Define "chronic" masturbator.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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