I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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