This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
