You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We left an ass print on the piano.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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