zippers are such a cool invention
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
