not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
