shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
