There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize