My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We are all done wearing pants today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
