I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
