I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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