she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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