You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Terrible idea I love it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
