So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
