id be glad to
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
