I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
