I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize