somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
