I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
