could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We are two peas in an std pod
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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