We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
