Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
