Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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