It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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