I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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