If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
