I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
