she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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