My friends, they love my intelligence
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
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I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
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Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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