Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
