I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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