I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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