thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
