my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
