U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
