But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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