At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
