New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
