You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
