someone owes me an orgasm
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
