She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
