so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
