Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
