"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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