I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize