How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't turn off my feet"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
