Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am one with the molecules
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
