I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
