are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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