so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
