Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
