After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
