he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Pooping to opera.
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