i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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