You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
