what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So many bounce houses so little time
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
