yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
