I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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