my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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