State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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