Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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