I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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