hotel room ftw
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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