I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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