Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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