party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
