You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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