What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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