Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Everything about him screamed your future.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
