He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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