I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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