I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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