The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
