I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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