Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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