If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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