you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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