I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
