Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
