I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Randomize
