so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
